You’re 70 and your friend Alice was 70 when she died and you used to be best pals. You showed up wondering what happened to you two, then you find out when her family tells you they don’t want you to speak at the funeral because they felt like she put more value in her friendship with you than in her relationship with her husband and kids.
“That why she moved away and stopped taking my calls?” you ask her daughters.
They nod. “We told our mom that unless she cut ties with you we would stop loving her. We told her she had to sacrifice a cherished friendship in order to keep us as daughters.”
“You’re shitty daughters,” you tell them.
They shrug. “Deal with it. You’re not speaking at that funeral.”
You keep quiet at the service but at the burial a plane flies by with a banner tailing behind it that reads, “Alice is dead, and she loved her best friend more than her own horrible kids. I loved you back just as much, Alice. Sorry your kids sucked. Sorry and Goodbye. Catch Jason Mraz at Foxwoods Thur-Mon.”
You got a discount by tacking on an ad that the pilot already got paid to run. Doesn’t matter, the kids are looking up at the sky and crying as you walk away from Alice’s grave, knowing full well you had a friend for life.
Happy Your Old Friend Alice’s Funeral Day!
Vincenzo Vela c. 1861-1862
Italy Grateful to France (detail)
Pages from the first appearance of Mary Marvel, in which she demonstrates her powers and rescues Billy and Freddie!
I love the “Hey waitaminnit, what am I calling for help for? [kicks ass]” panel.
“Fuck is the comma of the Lies of Locke Lamora” – Scott Lynch1
Really? Let’s see about that…
Fucks used in the Lies of Locke Lamora2:
Locke:11111 11111 11111 11111 11111 11111 11111 11111 11111 11111 11111 11111 1111 (64)
Locke to/about the Falconer: 11111 11111 11111 11111 11111 1 (26) Locke total: 90
Chains: 11111 11111 11111 11111 1 (21)
Contè: 11111 11111 11111 1 (16)
Jean: 11111 11111 1 (11)
Thief Maker: 11111 1111 (9)
Calo: 1111 (4)
Harza: 1111 (4)
Capa Barsavi: 1111 (4)
Bug: 111 (3)
Vidrik: 111 (3)
Galdo: 11 (2)
The Falconer: 11 (to Locke) (2)
Anjais: 11 (2)
Sofia: 1 (1)
Nazca: 1 (1)
Gray King: 1 (1)
Unknow Barsavi guard: 1 (1)
Narration: 1 (1)
A florid man with an overachieving belly and an entire squad of spare chins: 1 (1)
Felice: 1 (1)
Ferenz: 1 (1)
Two-timing woman: 1 (1)
Tesso: 1 (1)
Benjavier: 1 (1)
Berangias: 1 (1)
Reynart: 1 (1)
Constanzo: 1 (1)
Total number of Fucks (and variations thereof; such as: fucker, fuck-up, fucking, fucked, fuckdamn, motherfucker etc.) used: 185
48.65% of Fucks were uttered by Locke, 40% of his Fucks was to, or in mention of, the Falconer
Used most Fucks in one page: Contè
Used most Motherfucker’s: Locke
Got most Fucks directed at: The Falconer (well deserved)
Other overly colorful language used: 33 (counted in regards to context)
Locke: 11111 1111 (9)
Chains: 11111 1 (6)
Thief Maker: 1111 (4)
Calo: 111 (3)
Contè: 111 (3)
Other: 111 (3)
Galdo: 11 (2)
Lorenzo: 11 (2)
Nazca: 1 (1)
Jean: 1 (1)
Pages mentioning sharks: 43 (out of 719)
5% of pages mention Sharks (many of these pages mentions sharks more than once, up to 6 times a page are sharks mentioned (total number of sharks mentioned is disclosed information and can not be provided at this moment))
Jean mostly swear when Locke does something stupid/gets hurt.
Calo swore twice as much as his brother.
Chains had a foul mouth.
There is a distinct increase in swearing from Locke when he is stressed or sarcastic.
Contè swears the most considering amount of lines he has.
99.5% of fucks were used in dialogue.
The one that wasn’t can be found in the Interlude: The boy who cried for a corpse, part 4, and even that could be considered dialogue.
The presence of the Falconer highly increases the amount of swears and insults coming from Locke.
Mentioning of sharks and the Berangias sisters are often related.
The density of Fucks are highest in the last 70 pages.
Locke outdoes everyone greatly, both in amount of fuck-ups and fucks used.
Conclusion: No, fuck is not the comma of the Lies of Locke Lamora, but it is probably as common as any other word.
Special thanks to:
Scott Lynch: For writing the damned thing and putting this stupid idea into my head
The Falconer: For being very helpful
Locke Lamora: For using up all my Pink Post it’s
GB chat: For reminding me of how much I love these books
1. This video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giI2sYAndi8 (about 46 min in)
2. The Lies of Locke Lamora, by Scott Lynch (http://scottlynch78.tumblr.com/ )
Disclaimer: I am not a scientist, I do not stand for the amount of science actually conducted in this project, that is probably more research than science, and beg pardon for previous statements promising science. There is a chance I have missed something but I tried my best.
HOLY SHIT WHY IS THIS SO BEAUTIFUL? I’M GONNA CRY.
THIS IS SCIENCE, FRIEND. YOU HAD A HYPOTHESIS, WROTE IT DOWN, AND TESTED IT. YOU DID SCIENCE PROUD. BLESS YOU.
AND A SCIENTIST ^ HAS NOW BLESSED YOUR WORK SO YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE.
A mixed bag. Has more wit than the previous one, but the plot annoys me for some reason I can’t quite fathom, and I think Emma should have caught on sooner than she did.
She does have one very good, very strong scene where she beats the crap out of the doctor - and then has to stop and catch herself because she realizes she’s so angry she’s about to kill him. It’s not really anger about her friend’s death - it’s anger at not being believed, at being handled like a lunatic.
Steed’s best scene is above.
This episode does have possibly my favorite sight gag of all time, which is in the next post (or, to you, the previous one).
Favourite Waldo Lydecker lines: Laura [d: Otto Preminger, 1944]
If you hate brussels sprouts, grow up. No, really, growing up is a solution.
#6. Brussels Sprouts
Brussels sprouts taste quite a bit more bitter than other vegetables, and as bitterness is one of those fundamental tastes that kids don’t like, almost everyone’s first contact with Brussels sprouts is an unpleasant one. … Because bitterness becomes more palatable with age, try Brussels sprouts out again if it’s been a decade or two since you last threw them back in your grandmother’s face, because you might find you like them now.
I’mna say a word or two about brussels sprouts. Now pay attention.
1. The sprouts in the produce section are probably old. The best of the young sprouts get frozen - sprouts don’t sell in enough volume for the unfrozen kind to be given priority. If you’re buying from your local farmer’s market or something like that, that’s another story. We’ve gotten some very fresh sprouts (still on their ridiculous stem!) from our CSA. But if you bought the little container in the vegetable coolers at your Stop and Shop or that ilk, they’re probably not in the best shape.
2. Old sprouts can be rescued, though. Old ones will have loose, dark outer leaves. Strip those off relentlessly. Slice off the hard bit at the bottom of the stem end. Cut them into halves or quarters before cooking, or even shred/julienne them - it will help them cook evenly.
3. There’s nothing wrong with frozen sprouts. Treat them as you would small, tender ones, because they usually are.
4. Sprouts only get nasty when overcooked. You know that stinky-cabbage flavor? (You may think all cooked cabbage is like that, because Americans inherited the British tendency to overcook cabbage and some people have never learned better. Well, you’re learning now.) Brussels sprouts are little cabbages, and they overcook the same way … but much faster. Older sprouts are tougher, so if you cook them until the outside softens, there’s a chance the inside has gotten overcooked/bitter/stinky.
If you cut the sprouts into smaller pieces, the roast/saute/boil time is much shorter than you think it is, and you avoid the trap above. Try them as you go. You want them just tender enough so you don’t have to chew them for hours, and no more than that.
5. Boiling is not best. I know, we’ve all been taught that when one is faced with an alien cabbage, boil the snot out of it. This is wrong. In fact, a saute in butter or oil - for small sprouts, cut-up larger/older sprouts, or shredded sprouts - is usually the best way to go. For larger/older sprouts in pieces, roasting is also very good and mellows the slight bitterness.
Finely shredded sprouts of any age can even be eaten raw as a “sprout slaw” with the dressing of your choice. This is an acquired taste, but it’s easy to acquire.
5. Try these combinations of flavors with sprouts:
a. A sesame oil/vinegar dressing works well with any kind of cooking method, even boiling.
b. A little maple syrup and some chopped pecans does well on the sauteed sprouts or shredded sauteed sprouts.
c. Crumbled blue cheese works well with roasted sprouts or shredded ones (cooked or raw).
This message brought to you by the Committee For The Defense and Propagation of Brussels Sprouts.
70% of editing is just looking at ur work for a few hours with this face
true for drawing
true for video editing
true for writing
That one time that Diana Rigg patted Patrick Macnee’s ass.